We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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