You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
