Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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