he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
