Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
