hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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