So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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