I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
