worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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