3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
