I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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