Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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