yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
