so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
