well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
