i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
