I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
