Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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