he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Someone signed my nipple.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
