his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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