your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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