I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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