You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
