I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
