Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
