All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
