you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize