I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
