Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
