shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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