Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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