the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
