Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
