I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize