Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize