Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
