i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
