I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
