You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
