When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
