Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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