thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
