Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize