Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
