Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This is my gift to your gina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
