tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
