I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
