he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
