I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
