Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
