i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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