Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
