I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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