Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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