Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
