So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
