my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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