I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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