Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
