Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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