What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
