we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
