hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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