Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
