oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
