i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
