Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
