Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Randomize