She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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