I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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