Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
