??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
