how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
