i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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