how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
