dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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