You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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