I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
