i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
