I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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