so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
