i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he fucked my hip out of place.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
